It has been
13 years since the last time I walked on my own two legs. It was June 26, 2002 when I chose to have my
right leg amputated below the knee. I
was born with a birth defect called clubfeet.
I had to undergo 29 surgeries before I was 25 to fix the deformity. My best option was to have it amputated. As I took my last walk on my leg before the
surgery, it was bitter sweet. I was
scared to death because I was about to make a decision that was non reversible,
but at the same time I was excited to see what the future had in store for
me. As I awoke after the surgery I sat
up and immediately reached for my nonexistent leg. It was done and now this adventure was
beginning. Throughout the years I have
been able to grow and expand as human being.
These are some of the lessons I have learned with chopping off my leg.
LESSON
NUMBER #1: THE BODY IS RESILIENT...
I am a
strong believer in the ability to withstand a pain threshold only if you are
able to silence your mind. No it does
not make the physical pain completely diminish, but it does elevate the really
bad pain that one is going through. I
was scheduled to be in the hospital for 14 days. The first couple days there was really no
pain at all. I had so much medication
going through my IV’s that I really cannot remember it being horrible. By the 3rd day the pain
started. It felt like a really bad dull
bone ache. That night it was rough I
remember sitting in my bed and the pain was becoming unbearable the tears
started to form. Then I used a trick
that I developed while growing up in the hospital. The trick is this: Think of Something Else. Take your mind completely out of the current
situation. Think of your favorite place
to visit, your favorite person (this one works really well), your favorite
memory or anything that will just remove your mind from the pain and or the
situation. You will be amazed how it elevates some of the pain.
I slowly
request less and less medication as the days passed. It was on the 5th day my doctor
entered my room and asked if I wanted to go home. I didn’t hesitate in requesting to be
released. When arriving home it was not
easy sailing. I was adjusting to not
having a leg so I would stand up often and forget there was no leg and go
crashing to the floor. The pain was
pretty horrible they had just amputated a leg so it was to be expected. There would be nights the pain was so bad
that I would be sweating and unable to get any sleep. I thought it would never end, but then it
did. My body had healed itself and I had
made it. Over the years there has been
many of times where I had thought what was I thinking in doing this. From pressure sores, blisters and being
completely sore from walking a prosthetic I thought of just giving up. The thing that kept me going is the knowledge
of how resilient we truly are simply if we allow ourselves too.
LESSON
NUMBER #2 OPTIMISIM IS KEY TO THE HEALING PROCESS
My positive
attitude has made this a whole lot easier to get through. Hours before the amputation they have you
sign your leg with a marker so that the doctor doesn’t accidentally take the
wrong one. I was supposed to just
initial the leg. As I picked up the
marker I took it and drew dotted lines all the way around it and wrote in big
bold letters “Cut on the dotted line,” I
knew that when I entered the OR room that I needed to have a good outlook on
this. That I need to look for the best
in this situation. If not I was going to
be doomed. I decided to never feel sorry for myself and to not feel regret for
the decision I had made. I had to make
the best of it. There was no other option for me.
I was about
ready to leave the hospital and I was sitting in the hall in the wheelchair
waiting for the final paper work. I
could hear crying and a girl saying to someone my life is over I cannot go on
anymore. She continued to cry and I heard a ladies voice trying to console
whomever was crying. I looked over at
the room just across the hall from me.
There was a young girl probably around 16 years old laying in the hospital
bed crying and there was an older lady standing next to her bed. The young girl had her arm amputated. This went on for a bit as the lady tried to
make it better and the young girl was saying how her life was over. I decided to approach them. I asked to enter the room and both of them
said okay. As I entered I could see the
young girl looking at me with my leg missing.
I introduced myself and it was a girl and her mother. The girl had been in a horrible accident and
they had to amputate her arm just below the elbow. I told the young girl that I had heard her
crying and I was wondering if she was okay.
She started to cry and then proceeded to tell me her life was over and
there was nothing she was going to be able to do with an amputated arm. I stopped her before she could go any
further. I said to her that your life is
not over and she was about to go on amazing venture with this. I said you have one thing going for you right
now and the rest of it is just minor hiccups in the road. She asked what the one thing was. I said to
her you are alive! That’s just it you are alive. I explained to her that she could spend her
days crying that her arm was gone or she could except it and embrace it. Then I
said again, “We are alive. I have one
leg now so what. When the cut my leg off
they didn’t cut my life off as well.” We
talked some more and when I left I could see a difference in the girl. Her mom walked me out of the room and thanked
me. She said that her daughter has not
even smiled or stopped crying since it was amputated. I realized at that moment that my outlook on
this situation was key in my healing processes.
I was not going to be able to achieve my goals without keeping my head
up.
LESSON
#3: EACH PERSONS PERCEPTION IS DIFFERENT
This lesson
is the one that I have learned more over the past 5 years. When kids under the age of 3 see me they stop
dead in their tracks. When they are in
grocery stores, restaurants or any public place they will be walking with their
parents and will just stop and stare. I
usually smile so they are not so scared.
They then look at their legs then my leg and repeat the processes. The parent realizes their kid is missing and
then comes back and grabs them. I noticed that the kid is curious more than
anything. They cannot processes how my
legs don’t match and theirs do. The kids
ages 4-7 think my amputation is something great. They processes the prosthetic as a robotic
leg. There is a 5 year old boy who lives
with me on occasion. He calls it the
robotic leg and anytime he gets injured such as sliver or scrapes the first
question he asks is do I get a robotic leg like Hope. He is ok with having a robotic leg. Most recently
attended a wedding where there were two kids.
One had to be between 6-8 and the other one was around 9-12. The younger boy asked me if that was a
robotic leg. I told him it surely
was. He then asked me how I got a
robotic leg. I asked how he thought that
I had got it. His analogy was that I was
in the Rocky Mountains and fell off the mountain and hit a tree then I hit a
rock. Causing my leg to break and then
they put a robotic leg on me. I informed him that was correct. I learned early on that the younger kids get
really scared when I tell them I had surgery and doctor had to take it off. I stay clear of letting them know it was a
doctor because I do not want them to fear going to the doctors. After the
younger kid had told me how I lost my leg his brother who was between 9-12
approached me and asked if it was a really a robotic leg. I said no its not. He then was curios on what happened. As I explained the whole amputation thing to
him he had this look of intrigue on his face.
He was asking question after question.
Unlike his younger brother he had this look of being scared or not sure
what to expect. Most of the younger kids
are the same when it comes to explaining about my leg. As for adults they are unpredictable. Each person is different when I was back East
traveling I would often get saluted and thanked for serving our country. (I have never served in the military) I
always explain that I did not serve our country. This happened a lot but only on the East
coast. Mostly on the West Coast I get
asked if it is Cancer again having to explain it is not. I have had people console me and tell me you
poor thing and then give me a look of sorrow.
Some adults do the stare then look away and then stare and look
away. Of course there is those
individuals who are not afraid to ask and just ask me what happened. As I witness these human interactions with me
I realized that each person has their own perceptions and feelings in regards
to this. That I have to adapt to each situation that arises because I have
noticed that most people are afraid of the unknown.
These are
just a few of the lessons I have learned over the years there are many more
which I may touch on later down the road.
Just knowing that my body can pretty much go through hell and still come
out on top only if I allow it too.
Through keeping a positive mind and outlook in regards to being an
amputee will continue to help me grow and become a better person because of
it. Lastly ever person on this earth views
a situation different then another person.
I am not recommending everyone go out and chop off a leg or an arm, but
without my amputation I wouldn’t have been able to experience all the wonderful
interactions and amazing things that have come from it. I am grateful that these lessons have been
presented to me. I am better person
because of it. MUCH LOVE-HOPE
